The Road to You

I’ve noticed over the past few weeks that my son is growing up. Maturity that I wasn’t sure was coming for more years than I would like to wait, seems to have arrived. I am constantly saying to my kids, “Instead of acting out-if you need something please tell me.”

Well, today I was headed to get ready for the day and my son said, “Hey remember when we talked about you and dad taking different kids on a date…why did we stop doing that?”

I thought, did we ever even start? I responded that although we have good intentions if we don’t put them on the calendar they don’t happen. Then, I continued on my way…..

That response did not float with me as I got ready…that response could have communicated to him, it’s your fault you didn’t make sure I put a date in the calendar…or ..yea what a nice idea…too bad….

I said to myself, “Self. He is using his words. He is telling you he wants time with you. Honor that.”

I yelled from my room, “Hey, did you eat lunch yet? Let’s go on a date.”

After date reflections:

We literally went to lunch, and came home. We were gone maybe an hour. While at lunch, I taught my son what his dad and I do when we go on a lunch date.

F.A.N.O.S.

Each of us go back and forth stating the answers to the following questions:

F: How do you Feel?

A: An affirmation from one to the other (So I told my son an affirmation for him and he did the same for me)

N: State a need you have.

O: Ownership (if you have anything you need to own up to..this is your time…you can also pass, if you’re doing great you don’t need to dig something up)

S: State an area you’re struggling

Y’all. I had several affirmations for my son, and when it was his turn to do them for me, he said “well I have a lot..” and the list was so kind! Things I was certainly not giving myself credit for, he listed for me…..man it felt good to hear…and surprising..this is my boy to call me to account if I am falling short in his eyes..and here he was with a list of successes to give me credit for!

I got to know some things that have been on his mind good, and hard….it was just overall such a good time together…All I had to do was hear that he wanted time with me, and then make it happen…

I wish I was good at doing this all the time…I’m not…but boy am I glad to have gotten it right today.

Dates with your kid’s one on one=priceless gifts to both parties.

Date ideas vary like the child you have:

My oldest and I go on coffee/art dates. We go to a coffee shop, we bring art supplies..we either water color, or draw…sometimes it things we see in the shop-we both attempt and see how different our results are…or we just do whatever we feel inspired to do. Walmart had these great idea sketch books we like to use too.

One of my children loves animals, so a zoo trip, or just a walk together around our neighborhood or woods-looking for bugs, cats, or anything that catches our eyes-would be ideal with her.

Chikfila icecream cones, and playground for my youngest…or just nuggets and playground..he always thinks he wants icecream but really he wants chicken.

Lunch, any place anytime…that’s my oldest son…or putt putt.

Arcade 1/2 off day (wednesday at Dave & Buster’s): I literally will set a timer when we get in there. The kids all know we have an hour, or as long as their cards last them (whichever comes first.) Since we set expectations about how long up front they never complain when the time ends, and we all leave happy. I’m not over spent, and they had time to do their favorite games and probably earn points from prizes. Everyone wins. Since I have four kids, this means I walk around and play a game or two with each kid if I can. They all like different games so it’s just easier I join them where they are, then I say “That was fun! Thanks for playing with me, now I need to check on _____ ” (insert sibling’s name) Now if I check on the sibling and they don’t want to play a game with me. I move on to the next one, nothing forced, just their to meet them where they are..play if they wanna play….minecraft is not my favorite, so if I agree to play that I tell them the amount of time I feel capable of being interested….or I say “Hey when you are done here, would you like to go knock down the clown faces with me?” Again, nothing forced….they meet me…I meet them…everyone has fun.

Sometimes, a date isn’t so much going somewhere. If three kids are otherwise engaged, I can offer a favorite card game, and a snack with the one that’s free.

Just a reminder for us parents to be looking (and often they must be scheduled so they happen) for moments to be intentional with our time…and I will admit…sometimes I’m tired and I don’t want to choose to be intentional..sometimes I don’t… I go to bed…but when we can…I think the effort will be noticed and worth it…as my husband says often…they are only this old once….

truth…and I’m getting gray fast 😉