The Road to You

Our family is preparing to take a trip to our child’s birth country for the first time since adoption of our daughter ten years ago.

As soon as our daughter was old enough to talk, she wanted to go back to her birth country and see and experience everything we did when we were there to bring her home. She was only 13 months old at the time of adoption so she has only seen pictures and heard stories. She is ready for her own memories of her birth country.

I can’t wait to see my daughter’s birth country through her eyes. When I was there originally I saw it through the eyes of a mom. I wanted to soak it all in, make note of everything for the daughter I was taking away from her country and into a world that would be so different from the one she was born into. I wanted to instill in her a love for her culture of origin. I think this trip will be a huge addition to that desire. She will smell the smells, see the people, eat the food, shop the stores, and everywhere she looks everyone will look like her. I can’t even imagine what that will do for her precious heart.

I can’t imagine what it’s felt like to grow up always standing out. Once when she was small she said, “I just want to be a regular person.” She didn’t want to be special, set apart, or noticed. Yet, because of adoption she doesn’t get to blend in or disappear. Within our family she is chosen, loved, desired, and also very much not the same ethnicity as her adoptive parents.

As an adoptive mom, of a child from another country and race. I want her to feel fully supported to be uniquely her. I want her to love her birth family (even though we don’t know them and most likely never will know who they are.) I want her to know the circumstances that could have lead to her being placed for adoption, and not raised by her first family. I want her to feel loved and accepted within her home country, and her adoptive home country. I want her to be able to be in whatever circle she wants to be in, and be herself. I want her to know her heart can love two families, two countries, and that she is allowed to be sad she has to have one and not the other. I pray all the time that my daughter’s birth family will know deep inside of them that their little girl is doing amazing. That she is being loved, supported, and given the chance to live out whatever life she wants for herself. When I let my daughter down I feel like I’ve let down her birth family. I aim to do right by all of them. I do not take it lightly that she lost her first family, her birth country and the culture that came with that. Her birth family lost a daughter, and I’m on the receiving end of this daughter, this blessing, this joy… after their hurt and loss.

I am going into this trip as my daughter’s emotional support person/mom. I aim to watch her for cues as to if she needs space…hugs..or help processing what she is afraid to say, or doesn’t have words for… I’m there to hold her up if she needs it….or be excited with her if that’s the emotion she feels.

Much more to come as we prep for one very big trip!