The Road to You

I believe if more people saw what I saw, heard what I hear, and knew what I know, there would be more people racing to get certified to become foster parents. I believe that many of us live in our “bubble” (for lack of a better word,) and we just don’t realize what happens right down the road from us. Or we do know, but feel overwhelmed by what we see and hear, and don’t feel we could make a difference, even if we wanted to. Would you allow me to let you in on a small glimpse into just one child’s life in foster care? Please allow me to show you what you may not be seeing. Allow God to speak to your heart about what your response is to be. I’ll give you some possible responses at the end of this post.

The phone rang early, it had been the same name and number every day for a week. Sometimes there were multiple calls in one day. Every time I saw the name, I stopped what I was doing and answered. You see, I told this child a long time ago that no matter where they went, or what happened, I was always going to show up. There have been good times, and bad. This week is a not so good week, so the calls are more frequent. I know the child needs to hear my voice.

“Hey,” I say cheerfully. I hear a tearful and soft, “Hey.” I ask what is wrong and the child responds, “I’m just really nervous, and scared. I need to see you.” I feel in my body the fear of the constant unknown and the way it weighs heavy as she speaks. I don’t want to leave her in this fearful place, but I also know I haven’t been given permission to come visit yet. I ask her, “Can I pray for you?” She cries as she responds, “Yes.”

I pray right then and there. I declare my love for her and God’s love for her. I ask God to give her peace, and comfort in the midst of all the unknown. I ask God to surround her with people that will show her His love for her. I ask God to protect her wherever she goes. I assure her (and myself) as I declare that “We know that you love [Insert her name] more than anyone else ever could and that you have very good things planned for her!” I continue on in the prayer asking that God make Himself very evident to her during the uncertainty she faces right now. I ask Him to remind her that He never ever leaves us or forsakes us. She cries as she says, “Amen” with me at the end.

She and I both want to talk about light hearted things now, so I ask her about breakfast. I wondered if she had not eaten and maybe that’s why her anxiety seems higher than usual during this call. Her response is as follows.

“We don’t eat breakfast until about ten,” she says. “What do you usually have for breakfast?” I ask. “Noodles,” she replies. “Do you like noodles?” I ask. She says, “Yea, not really.” I change the subject, because I know that her reply means she eats what is available, and when it is available.

“Do you have any pets at the house you are in?” I ask. She says, “Yea, there’s a dog. It’s matted really bad. I wish I could show you. It’s bad.” I don’t want to focus on negative things so I ask, “Well, is the dog friendly?” She says, “Yes, well kind of. It has bit some of the kids, but it hasn’t bit me. Just barks at me.”

I ask this child about the room she is in. I ask about the children she is placed with. She assures me everyone is friendly. She says she isn’t minding sharing a room right now. Her room used to be a kitchen apparently. I ask if that means she has a sink and a fridge. She laughs and says ,”No.” She has heard (I guess from the other children) that her room used to be a kitchen but now it’s a bedroom. It’s a full house. She doesn’t know the plans for summer. She tells me about the new child that showed up last night. A child now suffering from bodily injuries due to abusive treatment from another foster parent. I tell her I hate that children live in situations like the one that the she just spoke of, and even the one she lives out. I tell her that all of this (being placed in foster care) isn’t her fault. I assure her that I will call her social worker every day until I find out when and how I can visit her. She’s so scared. I want to go to her and hug her. I want her to know that I’m still coming anytime I can. I want her to know how loved she is. I want her to know her value. I want her to get the services she needs to get to a place of healing so she can feel successful, happy, and at home in a family unit.

It has been about thirty minutes of talking before she is willing and able to hang up. She says, “Well I guess we don’t have anything else to talk about. I love you.” “I love you too,” I reply.

Do you see her? Scared. Alone. Living with lots of strangers. Eating what they give her, when they give it to her. Not knowing if tonight she will be placed in a different home with different people and different rules. Not knowing if she will get to go back home. Not knowing if she will have access to a phone to call me next time she is scared and needs to hear my voice. (She memorized my phone number, upon my recommendation. Now, anytime she is with anyone that will let her use their phone, she knows she can call me.)

I spoke at a foster care training class last week. There weren’t twenty people in that class. That’s why children like this little girl get put in homes with lots of other hurting kids. That’s why those same children bounce around spending a night here, and a night or two there. Never knowing who they will be with or how the day will look. If there were more open homes this little girl could go to a family that could focus on getting her what she needs to be ok. She needs to be equipped with tools to begin to heal from the past that haunts her. There just aren’t enough homes. I’m not saying that where she is isn’t good, or that the people caring for her don’t care for her. I’m just saying there is a lot of brokenness living under one roof, and that is not God’s best.

I am a foster mom. I can’t say yes to her coming to live with me. I know my limitations and the needs I am able to meet. I ask, “Why God do you show me all this? Yet not say ‘Go get her.’” I believe He is telling me to show her to you. Tell you there are so many children 0-18 (and beyond) that need someone to welcome them in and walk with them towards healing. It’s a long slow walk. You don’t need to walk with everyone, just one child matters. If God leaves the 99 to go look for the 1 then 1 matters a lot to him. Why is one not enough for us? Why do we think if we can’t take five kids then lots not take any? If we can walk alongside one child, for any portion of their journey, God will use that availability.

Not everyone is meant to foster, but I do believe a lot more people are meant to foster that aren’t. You can be a resource parent. You can provide after school tutoring. You can be a big brother or big sister. You can be a house parent for the group style homes that some children get placed in. You can donate to places that already support children like “my girl.” There are so many ways to get involved. While you are figuring out where you fit in, pray. Pray for my girl. Pray I get to visit her soon. Pray for all the girls and boys like her. Please, see her and love her like I do. When you love someone you show up. Pray that I will know how to best show up for her, and the same for all involved in her care.

Did you see her? It hurts right? Well I get to answer the phone. You could too if you choose to. I get to pray over her. I get to show her to you so maybe you will get to be the showing up kind of love to another child waiting for someone to see them and then fight for them.

Romans 15 (The Message version)

Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us. Strength is for service, not status. Each one of us needs to look after the good of the people around us, asking ourselves, “How can I help?”

That’s exactly what Jesus did. He didn’t make it easy for himself by avoiding people’s troubles, but waded righ in and helped out. “I took on the troubles of the troubled,” is the way the Scripture puts it. Even if it was written in Scripture long ago, you can be sure it’s written for us. God wants the combination of his steady, constant calling and warm, personal counsel in Scripture to come to characterize us, keeping us alert for whatever he will do next. May our dependably steady and warmly personal God develop maturity in you so that you get along with each other as well as Jesus gets alone with us all. Then we’ll be a choir-not our voices only, but our very lives singing in harmony in a stunning anthem to the God and Father of our Master Jesus.

So reach out and welcome one another to God’s glory. Jesus did it; now you do it!