The Road to You

We rewarded our son, Holden, with a parakeet. This was to be his very own pet. He had spent a summer and fall taking classes to help him be an overcomer as that related to his dyslexia, and it was time for the long requested bird. He picked out a little yellow parakeet, and named her Mowgli. He attempted to bond with her for an entire month without a lot of luck. One unfortunate day, we came home to Mowgli having incurred a wing injury. For the following two weeks there were two vet visits, two different meds, and unfortunately the eventual loss of Mowgli. There were tears shed. I tried to comfort, only to hear my son ask, “Is this my fault?”

Why do we look for someone to blame when we lose something or someone we love? Is this why families fight at funerals? Do the hurting people just want something or someone to blame for their pain? It’s as if we think we can avoid being hurt again, if only someone or something is at fault. Why can’t we just be sad? Why can’t we realize that pain doesn’t erase all the good that came before the loss? Why is it not ok to take the bad with the good?

Loss doesn’t have to be someone’s fault. Loss is the flip side of a coin that says love on the other side. One side of the coin is exciting and desired, and the other side is painful and undesired.

Watching Holden lose his bird, made me think of how if we had never brought the bird home, we wouldn’t be experience the moment of grief and loss. My kids wouldn’t be upset, and I wouldn’t be staying up late to keep the bird warm as it passed on. None of the undesired things would occur right? Maybe I should have said no to the bird. If I choose this thought process, I’m labeling pain and sadness as things to be avoided even if it comes at the cost of never loving, and never knowing the joy of being loved.

This is love. You cannot experience the excitement of being in love, or the life and joy love brings with it, without also leaving yourself with the great possibility of having to say goodbye, and having to experience pain while you grieve.

Is loving worth it?

If you could know on the front end how long you will have with someone, how many good adventures will be had before those adventures turn into memories of what once was. Would you ever choose to love at all? I have to admit there are times I would have made the choice to not love at all, if I knew at the front end the time spent loving would be but a few hours, or a couple months. But, that’s only because it sounds terrible when you say, “You’ll be fully in love, and this child will leave in two months.” I wouldn’t know yet what those two months would hold, or how they could be filled with so much joy. I wouldn’t know the warmth of that child’s smile, or the sparkle in the child’s eyes. I wouldn’t know what loving that child would feel like. On paper, I wouldn’t have signed up. I’m glad it wasn’t on paper, because I now know, loving and being loved was one hundred percent worth the pain when the child left.

Choosing to love someone means that you are putting your heart on the line, choosing to love means that you are willing to work to gain the love of another, and that choice also simultaneously means you are risking their rejection. Or maybe you will gain their love, but then the risk is still there that you will one day grieve the loss of the love gained and shared.

Choosing to love, is always worth it. Don’t write it down on paper, don’t make a pro’s and con’s list, you’ll never be able to quantify what it feels like to be loved, and to give love. You can’t manage love based on the question, “Is the risk worth the reward?” Love isn’t risky. It’s a guarantee, loving will be worth it, and losing will be devastating. Is it even love if the love is not hard to give up?

Will you choose to love, without as much consideration to how much it may hurt if it ends? Will you instead consider the joy and life to be found in loving well?